A LETTER TO MY LOVER

My dear,
              
              Though I know that writing this letter to you wouldnt make anything better, a part of me wanted to write it. I just want you to know how much I loved you and how much I HATED you. I hope that atleast, this letter would lessen the immense heavyness in my heart that i have been carrying ever since you broke-up with me.

                   I am not exactly sure on how many months it had been since you proposed me. But I still vividly remember all those messages you sent me, expressing your love for me. I could sense the shyness even in the words you texted to me. I was on cloud nine and those are the moments that i had replayed in my mind, atleast a thousand times. Because I have never even dreamt that a girl would ever propose to me.


                       So for in my life, the most exciting days were the infancy stage of our love. The feeling was so new and alien to me. That was the time, I stopped mocking on all those cinematic dialogues- 1000's of butterflies in stomach, heart becoming light weight et cetera.




                         After a few months, you and me had known each other better. We were happy to express our true-self to each other. All those kisses over phone, the movies we went, cards we exchanged, late night chats- everything made our love so dramatic and perfect. I thought we would become the best of couples, despite those silly fights we had often. After all, what is love without those silly fights.




                      But i never thought such a fight would be menacing to our relationship. How wrong i was? One evening we had a discussion as usual except that we were not in the best of our moods. Our discussion turned to argument. Argument turned to quarrel. Quarrel made us to lose our minds and speak words that we shouldnt have spoke. But we spoke. Words led to our break-up. Words are so powerful that they can both make and break any relationship. 


                 For the next few weeks, I was dejected. It was as though half of me was lost. Everything seemed to be incomplete. Life went on. But I never stopped loving you untill..............


                    Untill I came to know that you were in a relationship with some other guy. A twist in tale. I never thoght you as a girl who would switch guys in weeks. You made me to hate you as much as i loved you. But what good is going to happen by hating you? Ofcourse, its your life and you have made your choices. I just want you to know that I could love, I could hate you but I couldnt neglect you.




          However hard I try, I couldnt erase you from me. At times, I would just sit numb and imagine the scene - " You come crying to me again, feeling remorse for what you have done.And I clear the tears from your cheek and we stay, hugging each other, for eternity"  with tears escaping from my eyes. I know that this would never happen. Even if you come to me again, the ego within me would never allow me to accept you.



                     If at all I have experienced something that is close to love, its only because of you. Thanks a lot for showing me how love would feel.
                                                                                                                                                                                                           
                                                                                   yours lovingly,


P.S:  I wanted to post this letter but the thing is, there is no girl to whom I can address this letter. I sincerely wish I had loved such a girl truly and betrayed by that girl, atleast then I would know how those things would feel like.                                                                                                                                


                                                                                           by  prem