A train journey

I dont know why, but I have developed some kind of aversion towards train from my childhood. So I have always preferred bus to train. But thanks to my state government for showing me how exciting a train journey could be. If they had not raised the bus fare to such an extent, I would have not had that memorable train journey.


     The train to my hometown starts at 1.30pm and reaches around 9pm. So there was no need for berth. Every college student who is new to train journey would think himself as surya and would expect a girl like sameera to sit opposite to him.( only an experienced guy would know that reality is far from expectations). I tried to be practical and prayed for, atleast a girl of my age to sit opposite to me.I eagerly checked the namelist. I realized that god answers reasonable prayers.

                                  Name : Jyothi
                                  Age: 20

But, how about her looks? Simply because a fruit is fresh, we cant enjoy eating it. Taste matters.(dont you think the analogy is a bit rude).I then submitted my next reasonable prayer- Jyothi has to be atleast, decently pretty. After few minutes, came a girl in blue chudidhar and sat opposite to me. Who else it could be? Jyothi was more than decently pretty- fair complexion, neatly tied hair, petite figure, long legs, a small bindhi with streak of viputhi. It was a perfect kollywood heroine entry scene.Then came the villain entry scene- her mother.Her mom was the older version of Jyothi except that Jyothi's amiable look was replaced by a stern and hostile look. There was no difficulty in categorizing them under the typical educated middle-class family.



  It had not even been 40min since the train started. Her mom opened a plastic box and there it was - the tamarind rice. However hard I try, I couldnt find the reason for the strong connection between tamarind rice and journies in our culture. 2 hours had been passed but I hadnt done anything other than ogling her through the corner of my eyes.( reserved and shy guys would generally be an expert oglers because that is the only thing they had been doing since their puberty age). I had to do something to attract her. Then I took my already-read novel and acted as though I was seriously reading it.(If play-boy look doesnt suit you, try the good-boy look. It might work, especially with middle-class girls.)


        To an extent, it did work for me. Some conversation started, though not with the heroine,but with the villain. Her mom asked the usual boring questions like " which college? which department? which year" etc. To any person on this planet,if you say that you are doing your final year engineering, their immediate question would be about your placement. Once she knew that I was placed, Jyothi joined the conversation and started asking about my cgp, project, interviews etc as she was doing her 3rd year engineering.This was the perfect situation to flaunt myself. I responded as though getting placed was not a big deal for me as I was planing to do MS in america.(only god knows the truth)


Since it was a weekday, there wasnt a much of crowd. Hence her mom occupied the entire three-seater and asked Jyothi to sit in the opposite seat,that is, BESIDE ME. How cruel of me to call such a nice lady as a villain? Soon , the nice lady went into a deep slumber.Jyothi and I had conversations on gadgets, movies,friends, exams and on every trivial things.After sometime, she became so flirtatious.( I dont think its that hard to sense, when a girl starts flirting with you because it doesnt happen often). Then we too tried to take a nap. You wont believe if I say that her head slipped to my shoulder during the so-called nap. I dont have any clue on whether it was intentional or unintentional.How should a guy react in these situations? should I take advantage of this or try to act as a good boy. Her mom's snoring made me to choose the latter option.

It was 8.55pm and our station had arrived. We just exchanged a formal " bye, see you" and started taking our own separate paths.But something within me said that it was not just a train-acquaintance and it couldnt end there like that.It was one of the moments where you know that you could strongly believe in your hunch.Just like any happy-ending, when I turned back, she came running towards me.She was panting and asked for my mobile mumber, in the pretext of some clarifications about placements.
I was more than happy to give my number and was expecting some thing romantic from her. She finally said " thanks ANNA. bye".   WTF.............



P.S:  Hopefully, this would be my last train journey.



                                                                                                                                 by  prem

FAILURE

                Two months ago I read a book called  ' EAT PRAY LOVE'.  It was so good a book that I couldnt refrain myself from being inspired by this book. In one chapter, the author said about her experiences as a beginner in meditation and what meditation had done to her, once she had made it a habit to practice daily. suddenly I got so curious and resolved myself to meditate atleast for 10-20min a day.( This is the problem with me. I get inspired so easily. Whenever I see sherlock, I start observing things rather than just seeing. Whenever I read Robin Sharma's words, I think myself as a philosopher. Whenever I see American pie, you know.........)

                       
          When I started to meditate, thoughts of everything and anything flooded to my mind.It seemed like my mind was scattered everywhere.After practicing it for a week( without any improvement), I was a bit frustrated and gave up meditation, consoling myself thinking that this is only for the so called highly-balance-minded-people.Though, from the next day, I started to spend some time in solitude in a nice tranquil environment. You could call it as contemplation though not meditation.( First of all, why am I trying all these and being such a lunatic?Because I want to improve myself in some way and since I dont know the exact way, I do all these crazy things. Why do I want to improve myself? Because, BEING JUST AN AVERAGE REALLY SUCKZ)


         During those contemplation hours, a lot of questions arose in my mind. Questions which I thought would occur only to philosophers, occurred to me too. Questions like " What is my role as a human in this world?  what theology should I follow? Is there something called destiny? Why dont people around me think broadly? et cetera" If you dont believe these questions occurred to me, then just try contemplating.( does these behaviours of me show that I am maturing as a person or its high time that I meet a good psychiatrist???)


             Another question that occurred to me was " what is failure?" and this is my favourite one because when I tried finding answers for other questions, I ended up getting much more complex questions and falling into a limbo. But, with failure, I feel I am somewhere near the answer.So let me write something about failure.First, try answering the question " HAVE I EVER FACED FAILURE IN MY LIFE?" Ofcourse, the answer would be a YES.Who wouldnt have faced failure in 21years.


      Now, let me try to define failure. Failure, as far I am considered, is WHEN ONE BADLY WANTS SOMETHING AND WORKS DILIGENTLY TOWARDS IT AND EVEN THEN COULD NOT ATTAIN IT.Having said this, if I go to the previous question, my answer surprisingly seems to be a NO. The problem is that we really dont know what we actually want in life. Even if we know, we are too lazy to diligently work towards it. So we never fail at all. But, is not the WORST OF FAILURE IS FAILING TO FAIL?


          We never try to succeed at all. We work just to survive in this world rather than work to thrive. We dont have the mindset to explore our hidden talents. All we want is a life with no obstacles.Another important reason for not facing failure is we all,  in one way or other, are afraid of failure. That is why most of us dont set goals that are challenging to us.( maybe this is the reason why we are happy with 3+lakh companies and dont try hard enough for 10+lakh companies). There is actually nothing to be afraid of failures. As all of our self-help books would say " failures are good teachers."I think, I sound as if I have seen enough of this world that I am entitled to give free advices. Actually, all these adcivces are more to myself than anyone else.(And here goes my final advice)


                Being an audience is easy.But, only a player is revered and celebrated, though he fails at times. So even to fail, you need to be committed to what you do.Hence FAILING, IN A WAY, IS A SMALL SUCCESS.

             


                                                                                                                                            by prem

parents -the culprits

               I have always felt that most people around me dont realize their true potential. They dont think a lot, which i believe is quintessential trait for any human. They dont have any specific interest or hobby( movies and cricket are general interests which are excluded). They dont seem to have any big ambition. On the whole, their understandings of the world and their maturity level seems to be far below than what a 21year old youngster is ought to have. Of course, I am no exception from them.


          I do not know whether people around me are really as I think them to be or they are such good actors that they project such an image. Assuming that my former assumption is true, I try to find the cause for such apathetic behaviours( At times, if you are too bored, you are tend to do such crazy things).Here I am talking about an average middle-class student which comprises a major percentage of people that I see. Hence, the cause for the problem has to be something really serious.


        What actually characterizes the thinkings of a man? One's school, society and the way in which one has been brought up. But I didnt choose the school I wanted to study. Neither did I  choose the society  I wanted to live. Then who did those for me?


             OMG, am I blaming on lovable and innocent parents for our present state. Even, I myself couldnt digest this. But the rational part of my brain which knows only objective thinking says " our parents has to be the culprits". Do I sound like an arrogant and hard-hearted person?


             From our young age, every elder we met( even our silver screen heros) portraied parents as noble being and someone higher than all gods. Having given us this impression, parent's responsibilities are immensly huge which doesnt just stop with loving us to the core which ofcourse is a natural law.

            I will point the major mistakes,which i feel, a parent generally does( since this is my web page, I can write whatever i feel like and you are bound to read it.LOL!!!!!)

     1)  First and foremost problem with parents is that they dont encourage creativity and innovation as much as they should be . My parents would have been happier if I had been a district topper in board exams than  be a national topper in some science-talent exam. Encouraging creativity and innovation makes the child  a good thinker which ultimately makes the child to ask more of WHY and HOW questions rather than just WHAT and WHEN questions.


  2)  I personally believe traits like confidence, willpower, self-esteem etc are much more important than petty traits like cleanliness and punctuality.Unfortunately, parents emphazis on those petty traits leaving the vital ones. I have been scolded an umpteen times for keeping my room untidy.But I have never been scolded for being a stage-fright.


 3) Most of the middle-class familiy's only goal would be to have a secure and wealthier life style which means to have a fat salary. In this process, the child's inborn interest is diminished.In the worst case, the interest is never found at all.


          Take,for example, a doctor. He always says the advantages of his profession to his child. Hearing these from very young age, the child develops an interest to become a doctor, due to which the child's actual interest is never found. Isn't this like moulding a clay to whatever shape we want?

            Hence parents has to emphazis that a fulfilling life must be the ultimate goal rather than a materialistic life.For this to happen, first, parents has to realize this.


 4) Other important thing is that parents dont let their children out of a very small circle.Hence the child doesnt get to know a lot of things.Maybe, this is what parents want. I believe, there is nothing wrong in knowing bad things. The problem is only when the child starts to learn those bad things.



          If any parent reads this their first response would be " be a parent and you would know how it would feel like to bring up a child ". This one response cant be the answer to all the mistakes I have mentioned.Or is it?


              When I re-read it, I feel( its a bit lengthy and boring) I have blamed more than enough on parents. Actually, as an individual, shouldnt we be the one who should be blamed more than our parents. I am an Indian. I dont need anyone to teach me to blame on others without any twinge of guilt. Its in my blood.



                                                                                                     by  prem

A LETTER TO MY LOVER

My dear,
              
              Though I know that writing this letter to you wouldnt make anything better, a part of me wanted to write it. I just want you to know how much I loved you and how much I HATED you. I hope that atleast, this letter would lessen the immense heavyness in my heart that i have been carrying ever since you broke-up with me.

                   I am not exactly sure on how many months it had been since you proposed me. But I still vividly remember all those messages you sent me, expressing your love for me. I could sense the shyness even in the words you texted to me. I was on cloud nine and those are the moments that i had replayed in my mind, atleast a thousand times. Because I have never even dreamt that a girl would ever propose to me.


                       So for in my life, the most exciting days were the infancy stage of our love. The feeling was so new and alien to me. That was the time, I stopped mocking on all those cinematic dialogues- 1000's of butterflies in stomach, heart becoming light weight et cetera.




                         After a few months, you and me had known each other better. We were happy to express our true-self to each other. All those kisses over phone, the movies we went, cards we exchanged, late night chats- everything made our love so dramatic and perfect. I thought we would become the best of couples, despite those silly fights we had often. After all, what is love without those silly fights.




                      But i never thought such a fight would be menacing to our relationship. How wrong i was? One evening we had a discussion as usual except that we were not in the best of our moods. Our discussion turned to argument. Argument turned to quarrel. Quarrel made us to lose our minds and speak words that we shouldnt have spoke. But we spoke. Words led to our break-up. Words are so powerful that they can both make and break any relationship. 


                 For the next few weeks, I was dejected. It was as though half of me was lost. Everything seemed to be incomplete. Life went on. But I never stopped loving you untill..............


                    Untill I came to know that you were in a relationship with some other guy. A twist in tale. I never thoght you as a girl who would switch guys in weeks. You made me to hate you as much as i loved you. But what good is going to happen by hating you? Ofcourse, its your life and you have made your choices. I just want you to know that I could love, I could hate you but I couldnt neglect you.




          However hard I try, I couldnt erase you from me. At times, I would just sit numb and imagine the scene - " You come crying to me again, feeling remorse for what you have done.And I clear the tears from your cheek and we stay, hugging each other, for eternity"  with tears escaping from my eyes. I know that this would never happen. Even if you come to me again, the ego within me would never allow me to accept you.



                     If at all I have experienced something that is close to love, its only because of you. Thanks a lot for showing me how love would feel.
                                                                                                                                                                                                           
                                                                                   yours lovingly,


P.S:  I wanted to post this letter but the thing is, there is no girl to whom I can address this letter. I sincerely wish I had loved such a girl truly and betrayed by that girl, atleast then I would know how those things would feel like.                                                                                                                                


                                                                                           by  prem

Another love story

                 Keerthana and Gokul were friends, from the day when Gokul lost his lunch box and keerthana shared her lunch with him, in their 4th standard. From then on, their friendship grew stronger and stronger. Even when they reached the latter part of teenage, not even a single student in the class, had mistakenly considered them to be lovers.Because the way they felt about each other was full of dignified affection.


            There was a beautiful rapport between them. Gokul always felt so comfortable and light-hearted in keerthana's company- the way a brother would feel about his little sister. As most of the guys, Gokul too fell in love with one of his classmates named Divya. Gokul was good in studies, a promising athlete and was smart. There was no reason why Divya wouldnt accept Gokul's proposal. He proposed. She accepted.




            Gokul was so exultant and wanted to share his happiness with Keerthana. On hearing Gokul's love, Keerthana congratulated him and was as happy as Gokul. Actually SHE WAS NOT.She just acted as though she was happy but deep inside her she had a mixture of feelings.




               Angry, guilty, jealous,sorrow and LOVE. But where did the love come from? May be love was the reason and cause for her other feelings. Keerthana herself didnt know when love had crept into her heart. For few days, she had an immense doubt on whether the feeling she had for Gokul was love or something else. But after a deep introspection ,she realized it was love.A TRUE LOVE.




            Whenever Gokul said something about Divya to Keerthana, she would respond as if she was still the same old friend. Keerthana didnt have the courage to express her love to Gokul, who was thinking her as more of a sister than a friend. Even worse was that Gokul was in love with some other girl.




                     But as days passed, Keerthana was frustrated of acting. She wanted to express her true self. She didnt bother about how Gokul would react on hearing her feelings. She just wanted to remove her mask.She mustered some courage,made up her mind and met Gokul in a restaurant. She blatantly expressed all her feelings to him. At first Gokul thought she was playing some kind of prank but later realized she was damn serious.Gokul was silent till she finished and then walked out of the restaurant without uttering a single word.


                   Three years have passed. Gokul has never spoken to her since then and will never in future. Keerthana  still loves Gokul the same way she has been loving him since that unknown day.

P.S:  Would you be surprised if I say that the above story is true and I am the witness for every scene of Keerthana's love story? In my very little experience, I have seen only fast-food love that doesnt exceed a year or even less. I feel that Keerthana's love is pure and true. After all,True love story neednt have an happy ending always.


                                                                                       by prem




                                                                                                                                

EXAM DAYS

                    


                      Now, after my semester exams got over, i feel like i am back in the Earth. For the past 25days, it was as though the world got alienated from me( oh no!!! actually it was me who got alienated from the world). I didnt watch a movie, i didnt speak as usual to my mom, i didnt chit-chat or gossip with my friends, i didnt play cricket( above all i didnt blog!!!!! LOL). Even if i did any of these things, i would do it with a twinge of guilt in my heart.




              Am not sure whether this is the right way to approach an exam. Given the college in which i study and if i had to atleast clear all my papers, i couldnt find any better way than this alienated approach. My college allows me to enjoy my college life to the maximum. It dosent restrict me on what i should wear or on how i should behave in class. To be succinct, we would be like left out donkeys, all round the year except on the EXAM DAYS.




              My college doesnt even give any hint on how i should prepare for my exam nor does it conduct any useful tests before exams(exactly contrary to what i have been used to, in my school days). I dont still understand why my college is rated high and how did it earn its reputation. May be my college is just like the good-for-nothing coke and pepsi, where people, though they knew its not good for their health, they are willing to spent money on it, only because its attractive and prominent.




                    After all, our mind is just like any other part of our body. If you jog after so many months,surely your leg will pain a lot. It takes time to get used to jogging. But here the problem is, before i get used to studying, the exams get over.




                   If at all i study by conjuration, one of my friend would be bragging about the CSK match. Not even the strongest of mind can concentrate on the books when CSK is roaring. At times i wish, i had born in Hyderabad or Pune so that i wouldnt have anything to cheer about my team in IPL and i can fully concentrate on my exams.




                         So, it has all made, clearing a paper an insurmountable task. CLEAR or ARREAR either of these words is more than enough to describe my performance in any semester exam. Who wants to aim for the sky, when reaching even the tree top is difficult.




             They say that nearly 1 lakh engineers pass out every year. I used to believe that i am much more talented and capable than an average student. But i dont sense that these 1 lakh students are going through the ordeal, i have been going through during the EXAM DAYS. This has lead to a reasonable question that keeps lingering in my mind: whether all these students are more talented than me or am i not talented enough?




                                                                                                                                by  prem

Reviving friendship

                Arun finished bathing and dressed in a neat shorts and t-shirt.He was so excited as he was about to meet his best friend Gautham.They havent meet each other for the past 6months.During their school days, they were the paradigm for friendship.Arun didnt have a lot of friends but he never bothered about that.He knew he had Gautham to whom he can share everything and anything.But after their schooling, their intimacy gradually diminished.They hardly texted each other and they never spoke at all.




            Its been 2years since they joined college.They both have came to their hometown for their semester holidays.This time, Arun was determined to revive their relationship.He was on his way to Gautham's home.The home where he had spent lot of hours than his own home.On seeing Gautham, Arun was awestruck.Gautham had changed his hairstyle, pierced his ears and for a moment Arun couldnt recognize his own best friend.




                Not only his physique and apparels have changed but also the way he spoke and behaved.Arun couldnt see Gautham as he used to in his school days.He couldnt connect himself with Gautham.After some usual and boring questions like " When does your college reopens?  How have you done your exams? How is the placements in your college? et cetera" they had nothing to talk about .Arun was amazed at the thought what 2years of seperation had done to their friendship.Once there was myriad things to talk about but there was no time. Now they have myriad free time but nothing to talk about.




                    Arun distressingly came back home.He realized that Gautham had changed a lot that they couldnt be as close as they once were.His intention of reviving their friendship turned out to be an utter failure.For the next two days,Arun was so bored in his home.He would take his mobile and type " Hey Gautham r u free da? shall we hangout somewher?" but this message would be saved in his drafts.He deeply wanted Gautham to call him first but Gautham never did.(When there is a small fissure in any relationship,these kind of silly egos makes it even wider.)




                    On a fine thursday evening, Arun was extremely bored that he couldnt restrain himself from texting to Gautham.Gautham replied and they planned to meet in their same old cricket ground.They had a good evening-enjoyed themselves playing cricket with their neighbours after a long time.After the match everyone went home except these two.




                                 They sat and silently enjoyed the cool breeze having nothing to talk.Then suddenly Gautham broke the silence    " Arun, you have changed a lot after joining college da...." .Arun was flabbergasted.Gautham just spoke the exact words running in Arun's mind.He just managed to ask " is that so?"




Gautham:" Ofcourse da.You seem to be so matured.You are not as jovial as you used to be.And you know what, i feel like our friendship has attenuated to mere acquaintanceship. I feel like i wanted to discuss many things with you.But the fear of you being insensitive to me, curtailed me."




                 Arun wanted to hug him and say sorry for being such a lunatic.Tears swelled behind his eyes.He controlled the tears and replied " Hey machi dont talk like a sentimental girl.It doesnt suit you at all"


              
                        Yes, this is the biggest problem with teenage boys.They hide their inabiliy to speak their feelings with some lame tauntings.        




                                                                                  by prem




                                                                                                                           

my dad or cricket?

                


                    The class teacher was giving the progress report for the recently held quart-yearly examination. As usual, pravin was the topper of 9th std B-section.He has been the topper and got the proficiency award for the past four years. A major part of the students in the class envied him and for the remaining students, he was their best friend and role model. He was not only good at studies but also, even better at sports. Especially in cricket.

                             In fact, pravin's dream was to become a cricketer. It would be an understatement to call it just a dream. He loved the game.He enjoyed playing cricket.He would be ecstatic whenever he hit a boundary.He knew his true passion was cricket.Though he had heard most of his friends saying the same, he knew, the way he felt about cricket was different.




                    He was not like an average 14year old boy. He was far more matured than his age boys were expected to be.This maturity may be due to the way in which he was brought up.His father was an english teacher in a mediocre school and his mother was a home-maker.His family was a typical middle-class family where the responsibilities on a child's shoulder is heavier than on parent's.




                            His father was the perfect gentleman pravin has ever seen. Pravin loved him so much and he always wanted to make his dad happy. But the conventional notion " CRICKET WILL SPOIL A CHILD'S ACADEMICS"  was believed by his dad too. But his dad didnt restrain pravin from playing cricket. He conceived pravin was more interested in his studies than in cricket.  




                                    The school cricket team selection was held and without any second thoughts pravin was selected. The coach asked him to come to practise from next week, WITH HIS KITBAG.All of a sudden pravin's exhilaration was cut down.Where would he go for the kit bag? Even he hadnt got his dad's consent to play for the school team , let alone the problem of kitbag. 




                               For the next few days, he was in an immense dilemma on whether he should let away the opportunity for playing for his school team or he should approach his dad for the kitbag and make his dad feel distressed. He had never been in such a critical situation in his life.He felt like this must be the most difficult situation one could face.




                            After giving much of thought, he decided to take the toughest decision. Yes, he decided to sacrifice his true passion.He buried,deep down, all his dreams of becoming a professional cricketer. He pictured himself to remove the pads,gloves and helmet, slowly one by one.Though he made up his mind, he was deeply dejected inside. For an unknown reason, he was angry on his parents,on his friends,on everyone and mainly on himself for taking such a coward decision.




                                The day after the next, when he returned from school, his dad asked him to get ready to go outside.At that moment pravin's intuitive and pragmatic part of his brain contradicted each other.


INTUITIVE PART:  This outing must be to buy a kit for me.
  
PRAGMATIC PART:  I even hadnt informed dad that i was selected for the team.Then how could he know that i needed a kitbag.


INTUITIVE PART: may be, seeing me in a depressed state,he could have inquired about it to my friends.


PRAGMATIC PART: But he was as normal to me as everyday and if at all, he had inquired to my friends, they would have informed me about it.


INTUITIVE PART: ok i lost.




                Pravin got ready and sat in the scooter.After riding a few metres, his dad asked him " DO YOU KNOW THE BEST SPORTS SHOP TO BUY A CRICKET KIT?"






                                                                                 by prem                                                           

how gifted are we?

                        How many of us realize, how gifted are we? First of all, do we realize that we are gifted in life? I got answer for this question in a simple incident.So i thought, i should share it with you.Because we dont see a lot of things that makes us to ruminate about our life( or WE ARE TOO LAZY TO RUMINATE).




                      It was a nice, bright,hot sunday evening. Having no useful work to do, as usual we planned for a movie.I got ready too early as i was so bored in home and went to railway station to catch an electric train.There i saw a bizzare family.I had been to that station a 1000times, but i had not seen that family earlier.May be all the 1000times i must be in a rush or that family must have moved to that station for the first time.




                                The family had five members.The father had a long beard, with a beer bottle in his hand.He looked worse than the worst beggar i have ever seen in my life.The mother was babbling something, looking at the young baby in the cradle which was tied just near the ticket counter area.The remaining two children who were not more than 8years old, shared a meagre amount of food between them.




                                      Neither did i speak to them nor did they share their misery with me.But anyone who sees them could easily understand the level of poverty,they were sunk into.Most of you might have seen such a family.Even i might have seen such a family earlier and just moved on.But on that day,for an unknown reason i felt something different.A part of me, wanted to do something about it.




                               Most of us,would just feel pity for that family and would carry on with our work. Yes, that may be the most pragmatic thing we could do. Most of us in this society are selfish men and women.Atleast, we can use that selfishness to improve our life.We need not help that family, but we can help ourself by learning a lot from that family.




                                      I learned. I realized , how gifted i am. By the term gifted, i dont mean the financial status alone.My friends, my sibling, even the institute in which i study and above all my parents.I feel that the reason why we didnt realize the gifts in life, is our parents.Because they love us so much that they dont let us outside this sophisticated world we are living in. They always wanted to provide us with all the luxuries they could.




                       But is it not their duty to teach us, what luxury means actually.I dont think most of the parents teach that.Most of the students, unfortunately,take LUXURIES AS NECESSITIES. Isnt all those android mobiles, huge bikes, branded shoes,a movie every week et cetera are luxuries? Do we realize that? By realizing our gifts, i dont mean to be COMPLACENT. I just want to enjoy and savour every little thing we got and keep on working to reach next level in life.




                             I think, to an extent i realized how gifted i am, after seeing that family.If at all you ponder something after reading this post( which i am sure would never happen), i think i have done what i intend to do.




                                                                                          by prem






                                                                                                                                
                              

A birthday celebration

             


                    It was another damn boring day, full of theory classes. Every student's face in the class looked as if they had been sedated. My gang, so tired of sleeping from the first hour, wanted to stay awake.The only technique that we knew to stay away from the sedation was TO PLAN. Yes, we love planning, not about our placements,not about our higher studies but on how we ought to spent the weekend as though we had been exhausted from studying on the weekdays.




                              Fortunately one of our friend's birthday happened to fall on that saturday. So each of my friends were so enthusiastic in giving their ideas on how to celebrate.After some 2hours of discussion, a plan was finalized.On that day evening at around 7pm, everyone reached our home and were getting ready to leave.All of a sudden the plan was changed.I had no clue on who changed the plan or why the plan was changed.Change of plan at the last moment was one thing that our gang got used to from the first year.




                     The plan was to find a resort in ECR and booze-up.( for this simple plan we had spent nearly 3hours discussing. THATS OUR GANG).ECR was one road where my friends can use the full potential of their above-180cc-bikes and can showoff their driving skills.I felt as if we were participating in some MOTOGP race because none of my friends bike traveled at less that 80kmph.




                            Believe it or not, whenever we had been to ECR, one of us would get caught by the police.This time was no different.This time the policeman even went a step further and beat one of our friend for behaving imprudently.If you think that we felt sorry and consoled our friend, you are absolutely wrong.What if that guy happened to be the funster of our gang? yes, we had got an incident to reminiscent for next 1year.




                      Paying half of the bribe demanded, we started again.Most of the resorts were full and if at all rooms were available in some resorts, they were not within our limited budget.At last we found one in mahabalipuram that suited us.Everyone was so eager to booze after a long gap( long gap means not more than 2months).I think, the most exciting thing one could experience is that you being sober and watching your friends getting high.You really wouldnt believe that these were the people who had been your friends for the past 3years.




                           One of my friend started crying,saying all his problems.I really didnt know how should i react.I realized that alcohol makes you to reveal the deepest secrets buried in your heart.Another friend kept on puking as if he had gallons of vomit stored in his tummy.The worst thing was that he would puke exactly when we finished cleaning his previous one.Each one of my friend behaved uniquely in a bizarre way.I felt like a warden in a psychiatric hospital, controlling and consoling everyone.




                              At around 4am, most of them slept ,oblivious to the stinky smell hovering around the room.Though i was tired, i didnt feel sleepy. I got down and had a long walk on the lonely street.It was cool, pitch dark and so tranquil (except the sound of some dogs barking).The situation made my mind so serene. I was deeply contemplating but not sure on what i was contemplating.




                                May be it was about the way my friends behaved, may be it was about how i would behave if i booze or may be about should i ever booze in my life.Though i knew that boozing was not all that sinful thing,though i knew that boozing occasionally would cause no big harm,some part of me wanted to advice my friends not to get drunk.But i knew that i didnt have the courage to advice them.


                                 So as usual i did the most selfish thing.I advised(and promised) to myself that i should never booze in my life.




                                                                                         by prem
                                                                                                                                             

Random thoughts

                    


                              This time i really do not have any idea on how i should write or even what i should write. But some part of me wants to write the random thoughts in my mind, which has grown intensely in the recent past. Hence this post may not be coherent, may not make any sense and may not beguile you(assuming my other posts have).




                                 I wake up at 7- go to college- while away all the seven hours chit chatting with friends-back home-watch a movie-have a spicy dinner-go for sleep.This was( and is) my routine for the past two years.I have been doing this in the pretext of leading a COLLEGE STUDENT LIFE(as though college students are never meant to do anything useful).


                     
                                      But now i am copiously frustrated of following such a lethargic routine.I feel as though all my potential and abilities are being wasted and rusted.I feel like a stray dog which squanders without any purpose in life. I badly want to change something within me. I want to have a specific goal. I want to work hard to achieve that goal. I want some challenging task that could kindle my underlying ability. Above all i want to prove to myself that, i am lot more capable than what others think of me.


            
                                But where do i start and what do i change?  Should i regularly study the chapters taught in the class like a 10th grade student.I am frustrated to an extend that i even wont mind doing that( but obviously my so called room-mates would mind). Because the students who looked to me as good-for-nothing, imbecile- bookworms, all of a sudden seems to be achievers and winners(especially with placements only a few months away).


                       
                             The fire to change something had been ignited within me, for quite a number of times in the past also.But they have not lasted for more than a couple of days.Usually this fire would be ignited whenever i see an exceptional movie or read an inspirational book.Whenever this fire is within me i would feel like, every task is within the circumference of my ability circle.I would even set some elusive goals like to become the university topper. But why doesnt this fire burn within me eternally?


                       
                               Most of the time, this fire would be extinguished by pouring some cold water.By cold water, i mean the peer. So should i stop talking to my classmates and lead a monk life?(rather than the COLLEGE LIFE).Or am i giving the most familiar excuse for not being determined enough,to keep the fire burning.




                                       But this time i feel something is different.I feel i am on the right path that leads to success.I think i have the mental strength to say NO to the peer pressure.I think i have enough fuel to keep the fire burning.


                    
                             If something is different this time shouldnt i be preparing for my tomorrow's internal rather than wasting an hour in writing such a horrible blog. So is this also another ignition that would extinguish in a few hours??????




                                                                                                                                                           
                                                                                  by prem 

Being a younger brother

                                  


                                    I was constantly staring at my watch from 3.50pm, expecting the bell to ring. As soon as the bell rang, i ran to the parking lot with a chunky bag on my shoulders.I unlocked my intimate bicycle and rode as fast as i could.I even overtook some uncles riding their old scooters. The moment i entered the home, i switched on the tv without even removing my stinky socks, to watch SWAT KATS(my favourite cartoon).At the age of 12, i wouldnt mind watching cartoon network for 24*7, if i was allowed.


                                             
                                     Just when the program was about to start, my biggest foe snatched the remote from me.I think at that age, the biggest and the only foe to me was my elder brother.He changed the channel to some bloody cricket match( he wouldnt mind watching cricket matches for 24*7,if allowed). I was continuously badgering him to change the channel. Sachin got out. As though Sachin got out due to my annoyance, my foe gave me a hefty knock on my head.




                                Tears took their stand and were ready to fall on my cheeks.I was not the kind of kid who would complain to their mom.I tried to retaliate but ended up with getting even a heavier knock.

                               This was just 1 in 10 incidents a day, where i would be beaten by him.In all these times i would say to myself " Dont cry like a girl, you moron!!! One day, when you grow as taller and stronger as him,you will surely knock him on his head,atleast once. now stop crying"  Before finishing that self-talk, my tears would have already wet my cheeks.




                               I thought, born as a younger brother was the worst possible way, the god can curse you with. Because you would get knocked on your head if you watched cartoon, if you didnt bat well in a gully cricket match( even if your foe was in the opponent team), if you didnt go to shop( even if it was his turn to go to shop) and above all you would always be a SECOND-HANDER. His cycle, his apparels and  his books would be passed on to you.




                                After some few months, i heard the most 
happiest news in my life. My foe had to go to chennai for doing his engineering( Till he completed his board exams,i even had to sacrifice my cartoon programs).Then i felt like a slave who got his freedom after so many years.For the first few days after he left, i was happy.There was no one to control me. But as days passed, i could feel something was missing.As days became months, i realized that MISSING THING was my foe. 




                      I wanted to fight with him for all the silly reasons
                      I wanted to play with him and lose to him
                      I wanted to defy him
                      I wanted to get knocked on my head for that  
                      I wanted to cry for that
                      Now,I am crying not because he hit me
                      It is because he is not near me to hit 
            
                        (OMG did i write i poem????)  After some few months, he came home for holidays.I really didnt know how to react. Should i fight with him for switching on the lights when i was sleeping or should i hug him and say " I MISS U". Though my heart wanted to do the latter, something made me to do the former. Because i am from a family where words like "SORRY, THANK U, MISS U etc " are not spoken my mouth.They had to be understood. I surely knew that my foe,sorry MY BROTHER would have heard the words spoken by my heart.


   
                                  One thing i understand now is that " THE MORE YOU HATE YOUR SIBLING IN YOUR CHILDHOOD, THE MORE YOU LOVE THEM IN YOUR LATER YEARS".I am not sure whether any of my friends got such an adorable and sweet brother as i got.I now realize that God didnt curse me. He blessed me with such an exceptional brother.                                                       


                                                                               
                                                                               by prem                                          

My first kiss

     

                                    Here i am going to post a fiction. The reason why i chose to write a fiction is that atleast here i can fulfill my long lasting desire of kissing a girl which would never happen unless. But dont forget that most of the FICTIONS ARE INSPIRED FROM TRUE STORIES.




                                            It had been nearly 20months since i joined the college. I myself can sense a lot of changes within me in the past 20months.I kind of changed from a boy who used to be so careful and conscious about his life to a lad who is lethargic, under performer yet confident about his life. But one thing that never changed was the girl i had been looking from the first day of my college.Still i am not sure whether the feeling i have for her is due to infatuation or love or lust( so let me call it as THAT FEELING).




                                                           The reason for THAT FEELING on her was because she was the only girl in class who was "MY-KIND-OF-GIRL".  my-kind-of-girl means she has to be conservative, averagely brilliant,slim and most importantly beautiful.Not only she but the whole class including some professors knew that i had THAT FEELING on her.Because i used to constantly stare( to be candid, ogle) at her.A 100 times i had been caught ogling at her, but i couldnt infer anything from her facial expressions. I think   GIRLS ARE THE MOST ENIGMATIC THING IN THE WORLD.


                                           It was my 20th birthday.Got lot of wishes and lotsss of birthday bums.In the evening ,an unknow number flashed in my mobile.The most imaginative part of my brain guessed it to be her. And you know what, it was her. Her voice was confident,cheerful and filled with enthusiasm.That was so ironical.For a second i thought it had to be some prank call from my friends but fortunately it was not.




                                                       It seemed to me that her words had an essence of THAT FEELING.After few minutes, she asked saucily "what gift do you want for this very special birthday?". I replied stammeringly " a movieeee withh u???".With out giving much of thought she accepted.Surely she is not conservative atleast not as conservative as i had expected.


                                                      I dressed neatly, borrowed my friend's bike and went to the rendezvous.She made sure that the rendezvous was a no-man-area.For a moment i was awestruck looking at her beauty. At that moment i felt  THAT FEELING was purely lust.She got in the bike and managed to sit without touching me. But thanks to the chennai traffic and the strong disc brakes.




                                                        We entered the cinema hall.After some 20min i couldnt resist myself .I held her hand and our 10fingers locked each other.There was a shy smile in her lips.I rested my head on her shoulder.Still no protest.Something in my body was hugely raising( it was my heart beat).I moved my lips so close to her face that only a layer of air was between us.She then pushed me and gave me an abash look as though i was about to make her pregnant.That look made me realize that i had crossed the limit.

                               

                          




                                               Till the end of movie,her face was filled with hostility.I feared that this would be my first and last date with her.The movie was over and we reached that no-man-area to drop her.She was standing beside me.I made up my mind to apologize her.A nanosecond before words came out of my vocal cord,she pressed her lips deep in my cheek. My first kiss lasted for nearly 30 seconds and then she ran away with tons and tons of shyness.




                                                   Still i could not figure out what was running on her mind.As i said GIRLS ARE THE MOST ENIGMATIC THING IN THE WORLD.


                                             
                                                                               by  prem

A TRUE LOVE STORY

                            

                                             Here i am going to post a true love story.As you might have guessed ,its not mine. This is the first time i am getting into someone's shoes and posting a blog. so please bear with me,as you have been doing with my previous blogs.Here the story starts....


                                Me and my friend were new to the school.We were in 11th grade.We hugely missed our amiable friends gang.The vicinity was so new to us and everyone looked strange.The only thing that gave us some consolation was the GOOD LOOKING girls in that school( this was also one of the MAIN reason why we shifted to that school).As usual me and my friend occupied the last bench.


                                           Exactly two benches infront of us,sat a girl who looked to me as the cutest among many cute girls in the class.As i turned towards my friend to say about the girl, he was giving such a lecherous look that seemed like he would have raped her just by looking.He too felt that she was the best in the class.Wise men think alike.I felt, unless and until a  miracle occurs that girl would never ever talk to me.


                                             I was a good cricketer in my school days.coincidentally, she was a great cricket freak( COINCIDENTS ARE SO COMMON IN TRUE LOVE STORIES).Once in a school match,our team was suffering a lot and victory was unthinkable.I got into the field, played a belligerent knock and took my team to victory.A huge crowd of students saw the match and fortunately she was one among them.


                                                   Next day in the class,she congratulated me saying "hey u played sooo well da" I was flabbergasted and did not know how to react.I blushed, showed all my front row teeth and ran away.In next few weeks we acquainted well and even started texting. Each morning i would be so excited to go to school as i could see her and even talk a few words with her.I thought these symptoms were enough for me to believe that i was in LOVE.


                                                      After mustering some courage i thought to propose her.I took my mobile and reached her name in contacts.My mobile rang.It was she who was calling me. Another coincidence.After a few minutes of formal conversation, her tone changed and said " hey, i wanted to say something important to you. I thought of saying this a lot of time but some how i could not. please dont think me as a cheap girl and even if you dont like what i am going to say , we shall as usual remain friends then on."

                                                        I knew where she was getting at. I even started dancing duet with her in my mind before she completed her hesitant proposal. she then continued " yes I AM IN LOVE. I LOVE YOUR FRIEND SO DEEPLY. please hel-------------------


P.S:  His friend accepted her love and went on to lead a perfect teenage lover life.


                                                                                           by prem

A city within a campus

             I was travelling at 90kmph in my friend's R15. In the backseat was my charming girlfriend.We were heading to mahapalipuram. On the way we parked the bike in a calm and lonely beach.Excluding us there were no other humans.The climate and situation induced some hormones within me.I put my hand around her shoulder and pulled her closer to me.My lips were only few millimetres away from her cheek.



                                  TRING.....TRING.....TRING.......Everything was blank.I was lying in my room.My moblie was screaming and i regained my senses. That was one damn good dream.There is an adage that day dream comes true.It was my friend who called me.These friends will never allow you to kiss a girl even in your dreams.He called me to inform that he was selected for a cultural event in IIT-M.At first i was reluctant to move my body from bed but due to his persistence i decided to go.He warned me to dress neatly and trendy, knowing my bad sense of dressing.




                                I searched my entire wardrobe but couldnt find any attire that suited for the event. IIT even had standards for dressing that i couldnt match.Thanks for my friend from whom i borrowed a branded t-shirt and shoes.After passing through the famous chennai traffic i reached IIT.The institute which have been portrayed to us as the gateway for attaining MOKSHAM, the institute where only the brighter of the brightest minds get admission and for guys like me entering that institute even as an audience was quite an achievement.



                                   
                                        So far in my life i have seen only colleges within a city but there it was other way round.It was said that IIT-M was widespread across600acres.Nearly 10times larger than my college.Students there were 20times smarter than my collegemates(both intellectually and physically).At times god is so careless in his work that he blesses a few with both brain and beauty, curses many with neither of the both.



                                     The ambience there was something i have never experienced in my life before. I dont know whether i was two generations back or those students were two generations ahead.I was just scanning every student from top to bottom with my mouth wideopen. I do not know why i did that.Girls wearing chudidhar seemed very odd because girls there wore shorts or skirts that never crossed their knee and wore t-shirt that had no sleeves.





                                                    Like this there were 1000 other reasons to be envy on IIT students but one thing that never crosses our mind is the dedication and commitment they had shown to enter this prestigeous institute. I do not believe in the phrase " GENIUS BY BIRTH"  but the ratio of dedication shown by IITians and guys like me will surely be more than 100000:1. At the end of the day


                                          EVERYONE GETS WHAT THEY DESERVE

                                                                                                                                                
                                                                                        by  prem