nothing-to-do

           There will be a phase in everyone's life when one has no responsibilities,no expectations on him, no goals, nothing. All we need to do in that phase is just eat-digest-sleep-eat-digest-sleep.......... I am exactly in that phase of my life.


                   If I explain my routine to any person, they would envy me for having such a blissful life.Even I did feel the same for few days but not anymore. I have heard many people saying that final semester of college life would be nothing but full of enjoyment. It is true to an extent. If you are an average student(like me), you would be happy with the company you got placed, unlike some geeks who applies for IIMs and US universities. And you would be more than happy to just clear all your papers( who gives a damn about the grades). The only petty problem would be your project work which can be solved by rs.4000.


                      Life seems beautiful. So what it is that concerns me??????


            After living this nothing-to-do phase of my life for a couple of weeks, I am starting to realize that ENJOYMENT WHEN FELT IN EXCESS, TURNS TO BOREDOM. How much ever movies I watch, what ever books I read, where ever I roam with friends-at the end of the day, there is no excitement. Only a kind of emptiness fills me.


           You would be happy if you know that you do not have any work tomorrow. But, if this becomes the routine, YOU WOULD BE FRUSTRATED. In this phase,there is nothing to think and ponder about.I dont even have anything to worry about to keep my mind engaged.There is no excitement, no liveliness. If you think I am exaggerating, all I could say is, you are wrong.

         So to change the nothing-to-do-phase into a lively-phase, all we need to do is, do things that excites us. Things that make us smile internally. Things that make us proud of ourselves.But the problem is we have never discovered such things in our life. Do we have any specific hobbies? what are our interests ? We dont have any clear answers to these questions. Then how could we discover the things that excites us????

          My answer is NEW EXPERIENCES.  THE CORE OF HUMAN SPIRIT IS FELT ONLY BY NEW EXPERIENCES. When we leave our "comfort zone" and go into an "unknown zone"- we might be happy, we might be scared, we might get hurt but we would feel alive.


          There is always a sense of apprehension in doing new things. This apprehension gives us the excitement. But to feel this excitement or to leave the "comfort zone", we need to shred off the laziness that has overtaken us. Ok, what kind of new experiences am I talking about???


        It could be anything simple like learning a new sport, jogging or exercising, trying to cook our own food, meditating, even proposing to the girl who is close to your heart etc.Most of us might be doing such things already, just to pass time. But try to see it as a new experience and excel in whatever you do.


       So what I am trying to say is -an idle man's brain is devil's workshop. Rather than being an idle man, try to be an ideal man. LIFE IS SO BEAUTIFUL TO WASTE EVEN A SINGLE DAY BY NOT FEELING ALIVE.


P.S: SOMEHOW I MANAGED TO PASS 2 HOURS OF POWER-CUT BY GIVING YOU SUCH LAME ADVICES. SORRY FOR BORING YOU IN YOUR ALREADY-BORED-PHASE OF YOUR LIFE.


                                                                                                                                            BY  PREM 

A train journey

I dont know why, but I have developed some kind of aversion towards train from my childhood. So I have always preferred bus to train. But thanks to my state government for showing me how exciting a train journey could be. If they had not raised the bus fare to such an extent, I would have not had that memorable train journey.


     The train to my hometown starts at 1.30pm and reaches around 9pm. So there was no need for berth. Every college student who is new to train journey would think himself as surya and would expect a girl like sameera to sit opposite to him.( only an experienced guy would know that reality is far from expectations). I tried to be practical and prayed for, atleast a girl of my age to sit opposite to me.I eagerly checked the namelist. I realized that god answers reasonable prayers.

                                  Name : Jyothi
                                  Age: 20

But, how about her looks? Simply because a fruit is fresh, we cant enjoy eating it. Taste matters.(dont you think the analogy is a bit rude).I then submitted my next reasonable prayer- Jyothi has to be atleast, decently pretty. After few minutes, came a girl in blue chudidhar and sat opposite to me. Who else it could be? Jyothi was more than decently pretty- fair complexion, neatly tied hair, petite figure, long legs, a small bindhi with streak of viputhi. It was a perfect kollywood heroine entry scene.Then came the villain entry scene- her mother.Her mom was the older version of Jyothi except that Jyothi's amiable look was replaced by a stern and hostile look. There was no difficulty in categorizing them under the typical educated middle-class family.



  It had not even been 40min since the train started. Her mom opened a plastic box and there it was - the tamarind rice. However hard I try, I couldnt find the reason for the strong connection between tamarind rice and journies in our culture. 2 hours had been passed but I hadnt done anything other than ogling her through the corner of my eyes.( reserved and shy guys would generally be an expert oglers because that is the only thing they had been doing since their puberty age). I had to do something to attract her. Then I took my already-read novel and acted as though I was seriously reading it.(If play-boy look doesnt suit you, try the good-boy look. It might work, especially with middle-class girls.)


        To an extent, it did work for me. Some conversation started, though not with the heroine,but with the villain. Her mom asked the usual boring questions like " which college? which department? which year" etc. To any person on this planet,if you say that you are doing your final year engineering, their immediate question would be about your placement. Once she knew that I was placed, Jyothi joined the conversation and started asking about my cgp, project, interviews etc as she was doing her 3rd year engineering.This was the perfect situation to flaunt myself. I responded as though getting placed was not a big deal for me as I was planing to do MS in america.(only god knows the truth)


Since it was a weekday, there wasnt a much of crowd. Hence her mom occupied the entire three-seater and asked Jyothi to sit in the opposite seat,that is, BESIDE ME. How cruel of me to call such a nice lady as a villain? Soon , the nice lady went into a deep slumber.Jyothi and I had conversations on gadgets, movies,friends, exams and on every trivial things.After sometime, she became so flirtatious.( I dont think its that hard to sense, when a girl starts flirting with you because it doesnt happen often). Then we too tried to take a nap. You wont believe if I say that her head slipped to my shoulder during the so-called nap. I dont have any clue on whether it was intentional or unintentional.How should a guy react in these situations? should I take advantage of this or try to act as a good boy. Her mom's snoring made me to choose the latter option.

It was 8.55pm and our station had arrived. We just exchanged a formal " bye, see you" and started taking our own separate paths.But something within me said that it was not just a train-acquaintance and it couldnt end there like that.It was one of the moments where you know that you could strongly believe in your hunch.Just like any happy-ending, when I turned back, she came running towards me.She was panting and asked for my mobile mumber, in the pretext of some clarifications about placements.
I was more than happy to give my number and was expecting some thing romantic from her. She finally said " thanks ANNA. bye".   WTF.............



P.S:  Hopefully, this would be my last train journey.



                                                                                                                                 by  prem

FAILURE

                Two months ago I read a book called  ' EAT PRAY LOVE'.  It was so good a book that I couldnt refrain myself from being inspired by this book. In one chapter, the author said about her experiences as a beginner in meditation and what meditation had done to her, once she had made it a habit to practice daily. suddenly I got so curious and resolved myself to meditate atleast for 10-20min a day.( This is the problem with me. I get inspired so easily. Whenever I see sherlock, I start observing things rather than just seeing. Whenever I read Robin Sharma's words, I think myself as a philosopher. Whenever I see American pie, you know.........)

                       
          When I started to meditate, thoughts of everything and anything flooded to my mind.It seemed like my mind was scattered everywhere.After practicing it for a week( without any improvement), I was a bit frustrated and gave up meditation, consoling myself thinking that this is only for the so called highly-balance-minded-people.Though, from the next day, I started to spend some time in solitude in a nice tranquil environment. You could call it as contemplation though not meditation.( First of all, why am I trying all these and being such a lunatic?Because I want to improve myself in some way and since I dont know the exact way, I do all these crazy things. Why do I want to improve myself? Because, BEING JUST AN AVERAGE REALLY SUCKZ)


         During those contemplation hours, a lot of questions arose in my mind. Questions which I thought would occur only to philosophers, occurred to me too. Questions like " What is my role as a human in this world?  what theology should I follow? Is there something called destiny? Why dont people around me think broadly? et cetera" If you dont believe these questions occurred to me, then just try contemplating.( does these behaviours of me show that I am maturing as a person or its high time that I meet a good psychiatrist???)


             Another question that occurred to me was " what is failure?" and this is my favourite one because when I tried finding answers for other questions, I ended up getting much more complex questions and falling into a limbo. But, with failure, I feel I am somewhere near the answer.So let me write something about failure.First, try answering the question " HAVE I EVER FACED FAILURE IN MY LIFE?" Ofcourse, the answer would be a YES.Who wouldnt have faced failure in 21years.


      Now, let me try to define failure. Failure, as far I am considered, is WHEN ONE BADLY WANTS SOMETHING AND WORKS DILIGENTLY TOWARDS IT AND EVEN THEN COULD NOT ATTAIN IT.Having said this, if I go to the previous question, my answer surprisingly seems to be a NO. The problem is that we really dont know what we actually want in life. Even if we know, we are too lazy to diligently work towards it. So we never fail at all. But, is not the WORST OF FAILURE IS FAILING TO FAIL?


          We never try to succeed at all. We work just to survive in this world rather than work to thrive. We dont have the mindset to explore our hidden talents. All we want is a life with no obstacles.Another important reason for not facing failure is we all,  in one way or other, are afraid of failure. That is why most of us dont set goals that are challenging to us.( maybe this is the reason why we are happy with 3+lakh companies and dont try hard enough for 10+lakh companies). There is actually nothing to be afraid of failures. As all of our self-help books would say " failures are good teachers."I think, I sound as if I have seen enough of this world that I am entitled to give free advices. Actually, all these adcivces are more to myself than anyone else.(And here goes my final advice)


                Being an audience is easy.But, only a player is revered and celebrated, though he fails at times. So even to fail, you need to be committed to what you do.Hence FAILING, IN A WAY, IS A SMALL SUCCESS.

             


                                                                                                                                            by prem

parents -the culprits

               I have always felt that most people around me dont realize their true potential. They dont think a lot, which i believe is quintessential trait for any human. They dont have any specific interest or hobby( movies and cricket are general interests which are excluded). They dont seem to have any big ambition. On the whole, their understandings of the world and their maturity level seems to be far below than what a 21year old youngster is ought to have. Of course, I am no exception from them.


          I do not know whether people around me are really as I think them to be or they are such good actors that they project such an image. Assuming that my former assumption is true, I try to find the cause for such apathetic behaviours( At times, if you are too bored, you are tend to do such crazy things).Here I am talking about an average middle-class student which comprises a major percentage of people that I see. Hence, the cause for the problem has to be something really serious.


        What actually characterizes the thinkings of a man? One's school, society and the way in which one has been brought up. But I didnt choose the school I wanted to study. Neither did I  choose the society  I wanted to live. Then who did those for me?


             OMG, am I blaming on lovable and innocent parents for our present state. Even, I myself couldnt digest this. But the rational part of my brain which knows only objective thinking says " our parents has to be the culprits". Do I sound like an arrogant and hard-hearted person?


             From our young age, every elder we met( even our silver screen heros) portraied parents as noble being and someone higher than all gods. Having given us this impression, parent's responsibilities are immensly huge which doesnt just stop with loving us to the core which ofcourse is a natural law.

            I will point the major mistakes,which i feel, a parent generally does( since this is my web page, I can write whatever i feel like and you are bound to read it.LOL!!!!!)

     1)  First and foremost problem with parents is that they dont encourage creativity and innovation as much as they should be . My parents would have been happier if I had been a district topper in board exams than  be a national topper in some science-talent exam. Encouraging creativity and innovation makes the child  a good thinker which ultimately makes the child to ask more of WHY and HOW questions rather than just WHAT and WHEN questions.


  2)  I personally believe traits like confidence, willpower, self-esteem etc are much more important than petty traits like cleanliness and punctuality.Unfortunately, parents emphazis on those petty traits leaving the vital ones. I have been scolded an umpteen times for keeping my room untidy.But I have never been scolded for being a stage-fright.


 3) Most of the middle-class familiy's only goal would be to have a secure and wealthier life style which means to have a fat salary. In this process, the child's inborn interest is diminished.In the worst case, the interest is never found at all.


          Take,for example, a doctor. He always says the advantages of his profession to his child. Hearing these from very young age, the child develops an interest to become a doctor, due to which the child's actual interest is never found. Isn't this like moulding a clay to whatever shape we want?

            Hence parents has to emphazis that a fulfilling life must be the ultimate goal rather than a materialistic life.For this to happen, first, parents has to realize this.


 4) Other important thing is that parents dont let their children out of a very small circle.Hence the child doesnt get to know a lot of things.Maybe, this is what parents want. I believe, there is nothing wrong in knowing bad things. The problem is only when the child starts to learn those bad things.



          If any parent reads this their first response would be " be a parent and you would know how it would feel like to bring up a child ". This one response cant be the answer to all the mistakes I have mentioned.Or is it?


              When I re-read it, I feel( its a bit lengthy and boring) I have blamed more than enough on parents. Actually, as an individual, shouldnt we be the one who should be blamed more than our parents. I am an Indian. I dont need anyone to teach me to blame on others without any twinge of guilt. Its in my blood.



                                                                                                     by  prem

A LETTER TO MY LOVER

My dear,
              
              Though I know that writing this letter to you wouldnt make anything better, a part of me wanted to write it. I just want you to know how much I loved you and how much I HATED you. I hope that atleast, this letter would lessen the immense heavyness in my heart that i have been carrying ever since you broke-up with me.

                   I am not exactly sure on how many months it had been since you proposed me. But I still vividly remember all those messages you sent me, expressing your love for me. I could sense the shyness even in the words you texted to me. I was on cloud nine and those are the moments that i had replayed in my mind, atleast a thousand times. Because I have never even dreamt that a girl would ever propose to me.


                       So for in my life, the most exciting days were the infancy stage of our love. The feeling was so new and alien to me. That was the time, I stopped mocking on all those cinematic dialogues- 1000's of butterflies in stomach, heart becoming light weight et cetera.




                         After a few months, you and me had known each other better. We were happy to express our true-self to each other. All those kisses over phone, the movies we went, cards we exchanged, late night chats- everything made our love so dramatic and perfect. I thought we would become the best of couples, despite those silly fights we had often. After all, what is love without those silly fights.




                      But i never thought such a fight would be menacing to our relationship. How wrong i was? One evening we had a discussion as usual except that we were not in the best of our moods. Our discussion turned to argument. Argument turned to quarrel. Quarrel made us to lose our minds and speak words that we shouldnt have spoke. But we spoke. Words led to our break-up. Words are so powerful that they can both make and break any relationship. 


                 For the next few weeks, I was dejected. It was as though half of me was lost. Everything seemed to be incomplete. Life went on. But I never stopped loving you untill..............


                    Untill I came to know that you were in a relationship with some other guy. A twist in tale. I never thoght you as a girl who would switch guys in weeks. You made me to hate you as much as i loved you. But what good is going to happen by hating you? Ofcourse, its your life and you have made your choices. I just want you to know that I could love, I could hate you but I couldnt neglect you.




          However hard I try, I couldnt erase you from me. At times, I would just sit numb and imagine the scene - " You come crying to me again, feeling remorse for what you have done.And I clear the tears from your cheek and we stay, hugging each other, for eternity"  with tears escaping from my eyes. I know that this would never happen. Even if you come to me again, the ego within me would never allow me to accept you.



                     If at all I have experienced something that is close to love, its only because of you. Thanks a lot for showing me how love would feel.
                                                                                                                                                                                                           
                                                                                   yours lovingly,


P.S:  I wanted to post this letter but the thing is, there is no girl to whom I can address this letter. I sincerely wish I had loved such a girl truly and betrayed by that girl, atleast then I would know how those things would feel like.                                                                                                                                


                                                                                           by  prem

Another love story

                 Keerthana and Gokul were friends, from the day when Gokul lost his lunch box and keerthana shared her lunch with him, in their 4th standard. From then on, their friendship grew stronger and stronger. Even when they reached the latter part of teenage, not even a single student in the class, had mistakenly considered them to be lovers.Because the way they felt about each other was full of dignified affection.


            There was a beautiful rapport between them. Gokul always felt so comfortable and light-hearted in keerthana's company- the way a brother would feel about his little sister. As most of the guys, Gokul too fell in love with one of his classmates named Divya. Gokul was good in studies, a promising athlete and was smart. There was no reason why Divya wouldnt accept Gokul's proposal. He proposed. She accepted.




            Gokul was so exultant and wanted to share his happiness with Keerthana. On hearing Gokul's love, Keerthana congratulated him and was as happy as Gokul. Actually SHE WAS NOT.She just acted as though she was happy but deep inside her she had a mixture of feelings.




               Angry, guilty, jealous,sorrow and LOVE. But where did the love come from? May be love was the reason and cause for her other feelings. Keerthana herself didnt know when love had crept into her heart. For few days, she had an immense doubt on whether the feeling she had for Gokul was love or something else. But after a deep introspection ,she realized it was love.A TRUE LOVE.




            Whenever Gokul said something about Divya to Keerthana, she would respond as if she was still the same old friend. Keerthana didnt have the courage to express her love to Gokul, who was thinking her as more of a sister than a friend. Even worse was that Gokul was in love with some other girl.




                     But as days passed, Keerthana was frustrated of acting. She wanted to express her true self. She didnt bother about how Gokul would react on hearing her feelings. She just wanted to remove her mask.She mustered some courage,made up her mind and met Gokul in a restaurant. She blatantly expressed all her feelings to him. At first Gokul thought she was playing some kind of prank but later realized she was damn serious.Gokul was silent till she finished and then walked out of the restaurant without uttering a single word.


                   Three years have passed. Gokul has never spoken to her since then and will never in future. Keerthana  still loves Gokul the same way she has been loving him since that unknown day.

P.S:  Would you be surprised if I say that the above story is true and I am the witness for every scene of Keerthana's love story? In my very little experience, I have seen only fast-food love that doesnt exceed a year or even less. I feel that Keerthana's love is pure and true. After all,True love story neednt have an happy ending always.


                                                                                       by prem




                                                                                                                                

EXAM DAYS

                    


                      Now, after my semester exams got over, i feel like i am back in the Earth. For the past 25days, it was as though the world got alienated from me( oh no!!! actually it was me who got alienated from the world). I didnt watch a movie, i didnt speak as usual to my mom, i didnt chit-chat or gossip with my friends, i didnt play cricket( above all i didnt blog!!!!! LOL). Even if i did any of these things, i would do it with a twinge of guilt in my heart.




              Am not sure whether this is the right way to approach an exam. Given the college in which i study and if i had to atleast clear all my papers, i couldnt find any better way than this alienated approach. My college allows me to enjoy my college life to the maximum. It dosent restrict me on what i should wear or on how i should behave in class. To be succinct, we would be like left out donkeys, all round the year except on the EXAM DAYS.




              My college doesnt even give any hint on how i should prepare for my exam nor does it conduct any useful tests before exams(exactly contrary to what i have been used to, in my school days). I dont still understand why my college is rated high and how did it earn its reputation. May be my college is just like the good-for-nothing coke and pepsi, where people, though they knew its not good for their health, they are willing to spent money on it, only because its attractive and prominent.




                    After all, our mind is just like any other part of our body. If you jog after so many months,surely your leg will pain a lot. It takes time to get used to jogging. But here the problem is, before i get used to studying, the exams get over.




                   If at all i study by conjuration, one of my friend would be bragging about the CSK match. Not even the strongest of mind can concentrate on the books when CSK is roaring. At times i wish, i had born in Hyderabad or Pune so that i wouldnt have anything to cheer about my team in IPL and i can fully concentrate on my exams.




                         So, it has all made, clearing a paper an insurmountable task. CLEAR or ARREAR either of these words is more than enough to describe my performance in any semester exam. Who wants to aim for the sky, when reaching even the tree top is difficult.




             They say that nearly 1 lakh engineers pass out every year. I used to believe that i am much more talented and capable than an average student. But i dont sense that these 1 lakh students are going through the ordeal, i have been going through during the EXAM DAYS. This has lead to a reasonable question that keeps lingering in my mind: whether all these students are more talented than me or am i not talented enough?




                                                                                                                                by  prem